you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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