Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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