ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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