i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
