my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
