i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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