We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
