cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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