New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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