carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
