I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
