You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
