yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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