one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
