dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
