She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
