I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
