Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
