this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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