was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
