Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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