I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
