someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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