what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
