this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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