I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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