it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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