ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
