I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
