Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so let's talk penis.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
