i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Say something about gay babies.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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