I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
