They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
