There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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