how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Enjoy the penises
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
