I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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