Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
