Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
