He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize