apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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