She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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