no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
