Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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