This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
