You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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