matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
