Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
