omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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