dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
