His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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