Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
