I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
