i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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