I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
