Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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