don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
