i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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