I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
