i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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