Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
