Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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