I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
