A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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