some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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