my vag is so smooth its legendary
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize