I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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