I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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