singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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