can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
