I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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