If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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