the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
