Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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