well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
