luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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