those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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