...so i touched it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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