Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
