When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
