Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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