well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
