Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize