i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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